It was a dark, rainy night in Port of Spain. And across the pond, over thousands of miles of rainforest, in a country called Brazil, our favorite annual event is about to begin: MISS UNIVERSE. I'll be blogging live, following the progress of Trinidad and Tobago's Gabby Walcott. (DISCLAIMER: If she does not make it in the final, I shall immediately terminate this live blog. I might get a bit bitter, you see.) So buckle up, we're in for a bumpy ride.
(NOTE: click refresh every now and again to get updates/fresh bitchy comments)
9.02pm: And we're off! A little late, but that's okay. It's not like we're going anywhere tonight besides the front of our screen.
In this part of the show, each contestant comes out and shouts the name of their country out loud just in case we don't know how to properly pronounce it.
The announcer just said the show has a viewership of 1 billion, which means about one sixth of the planet is watching. No pressure.
9.07pm: Judging from her greeting, Miss Indonesia wants to beat everybody up.
9.10pm: Miss Trinidad and Tobago! Yayy! (Big hair, too ;)) Hmm was Miss Venezuela smirking?
9.12pm: Okay they just announced the hosts. I always love how they choose real celebrities everyone knows to host these things. And they speak foreign languages too! (Why have I forgotten the names of the hosts already? Oh well I shall call them: 'the woman' and 'the man' from now on.) The woman and the man just noted that the hardest part of the night is that tough final question...(shivers!)
Okay commercial break. Quick muffin break. ***Update(NOTE to the anonymous commenter who just disparaged my last muffin remark: shame on YOU!)
9.12pm: We are back. Only 16 out of 85 will survive.... They are calling the countries now: France. Kosovo. Columbia. (Suspenseful pause.) China. Angola. (Woman host: "Yayy Miss Angola! How cute is that?") Australia. (Woman host, demonstrating apparent bias: "I love this girl!") Puerto Rico (Woman: "Happy Birthday!"). Brazil. (Shocking development, really.) Netherlands. 10th spot: USA (Woman host: "My home country!") Ukraine.
LAST 5 PLACES:
Panama (Woman: "I love Panama, she's one of my favorites.")
Costa Rica (Woman: "So many women, so little space left.")
Philippines (Woman host: "Her country is dying right now am sure.")
Trinidad and Tobago
Okay guys, well as you can see, TT didn't get in. I might still continue to blog though, in between my copious glasses of red wine as I drown my sorrows.
9.56pm: Gabby's sister just posted this on Facebook:
Wow that axe was swift! Def feeling my heart breaking for Gabz. But proud of her for reach that far. Hope she's ok and will enjoy the rest of her trip!!! So Glad my parents are there to give her lots of Hugs! Now Im excited to see who's gonna be crowned. Who's your favourites of the top 16? France? Ukraine?
10.04pm: Final top ten! Brazil, China, Australia, Costa Rica, France, Angola, Portugal, Ukraine, Panama, Philippines. Surprise that Venezuela did not make it.
10.09pm: One of the women hosts just remarked that Miss Angola looks like "a Miss Trinidad and Tobago".
Lots of buzz on the net around Miss China. Very timely.
10.15pm: Male host just tried speaking Portuguese. Female host said what he said sounded like the name of a shade of nail polish.
Musical interlude now. Will anything ever top the "make the world a better place" sequences of the pageants of the 80s?
Ohhh look EVENING GOWNS:
Australia: woman host says, "this dress almost did not make it here and it got tonnes of emails before it was approved." Costa Rica: woman host says, "she was a self-proclaimed nerd." France: a white Wonder-Woman inspired ensemble. Ukraine: dress gets rave reviews from the hosts who gingerly note that the Ukraine has never won the competition. She adds, "this might be the night." Portugal: It's red and furry!
I am not sure what is going on with the music/dance/cabaret interlude. "You can close your eyes and never be alone" the singer informs us.
Panama: woman host gingerly discloses that Miss Panama almost fell during rehearsals. Philippines, then Angola and then China, in red. China is 6 feet tall, too. Angola gets the highest fan votes!
10.28pm: TOP FIVE
Hmm a tough one to call. But we shall see how things go when they answer the questions (shiver!)
A controversial segment. Lots of interpreters. Who's gonna get an easy question and who's not?
Q: If you could trade lives with anyone who would it be?
A: I live my life and I am very satisfied with it. But if I did have the chance, I think I would choose Cleopatra: a very powerful and strong woman who is worthy of respect and I think a woman can also be leader like Cleopatra.
Q: Would you change your religious beliefs to marry the person you love?
A: I would not because the first person I love is my God. If that person loved me they would love my God too.
Q: Nude beaches are popular. Is public nudity appropriate or not?
A: Each country has its rules and regulations. We should respect them, thank you.
Q: What would you do to avoid fighting a war if you did not agree with it.
A: Hello Brazil, good evening San Paulo. First of all I would explain to people that the mere quality of human beings is respect and no war is based on respect. It's always based on misunderstanding or a lack of education. I would tell this person that they should respect each other as human beings, thank you.
Q: What physical feature of yourself would you change?
A: I am very well satisfied with the way God created me and I would not change a thing. I am a woman of inner beauty. I have my principles and now I would like to give all of you a piece of advice: respect one another.
10.55pm: Apparently Miss Philipinnes is the fan favorite according to a poll. But the judges have the final say.
Well that's a wrap! What a ride, but it was fun. I still have some red wine to finish. GOODNIGHT ALL!